Aching Arms and a Little Girls Closet

The other day I was at my office, The House of Hope, and went to check on things in the 'Mommy Store'....there was an adorable little dress that had just been added to the wall and immediately I thought, "Oh, goodness! That would be adorable on our little Aamina-Kate!" With that thought came a literal, physical ache in my arms. It was an overwhelming feeling of the need to hold her. I have never felt something so strong in all my life. I did my best to fight back tears, but they finally broke through. Since then, this feeling has visited me over and over.

I've started to work on preparing her room and her closet is becoming quite full. I have lots of sweet friends and family who are giving us things from their daughters, I've been chasing down garage sales, clearance racks and consignment shops getting little things here and there in all different sizes. Since she could be anywhere from birth-24 months when we bring her home and no telling what size, I'm getting everything from 2T and down. When we finally get home we will be spent from paying the final adoption costs and won't exactly have a bank account ready for a shopping spree. Besides, I'm really having a blast doing this shopping now, and it is helping time pass a little quicker while we're waiting.

When I'm having a particularly difficult day missing her, I go into her closet and shut the door. Surrounded by all of her stuff (that she has no idea is waiting for her) somehow makes me feel like she is closer to home than she sometime seems. I day dream about where we might be going when she is in a specific outfit, I match hair bows to outfits, imagine her in all those cuddly pajamas and pray over every toy, blanket, softy, onesie, little shoe and dress. Sometimes this all feels like a dream that will never come true, but then we sit in on a conference call or get an encouraging e-mail and we're pinched back into reality: Someone in Ethiopia knows of the Millers, and they are searching for our daughter...it is all a matter of time until she is ours! What an honor! It really is amazing how much you can miss someone you've never even met! She's stolen our hearts already!

Stay tuned for pictures and updates about her little room and expected arrival! Please continue to pray for America World Adoption Agency and Staff, Ethiopia, ophans and their care takers. Please pray that more and more Christian families will open their hearts and homes to these children. Thank you for your specific prayers for our family and our Aamina and thanks so very much for reading.

Prayers for Aamina

Since this is my first official blog, I'll start by introducing myself and my family since this blog is entirely about our family and how it is soon growing with the addition of our daughter, Aamina, from Ethiopia. My name is Rachel Miller, I am the proud wife of Scott and mother to Lane, Logan, Camryn & Canaan. We are all very anxious to meet the other little Miller on the other side of the world and this blog will be a simplier way to update you all on the process as well as look back on how God is working. I appreciate you all being with us on this journey...your support, encouragement and prayers will forever be remembered and you will always have a special part in our family and in the life of Aamina. She is blessed to already have you and so are we! I wish so much that I would've started this sooner, but the thought of setting up a blog intimidated me and to be honest, I was to busy chasing papers all over the state of Oklahoma to sit down and work on one. But, over the past two weeks I have felt a change in my heart...a deeper emotional connection with our daughter and I want to share her and our story with you. So here I am a year into the process...starting this blog. As of today, we've recently finalized our homestudy and are beginning to work with immigration while finishing up dossier stuff, getting passports, making family photo pages, saving money, taking online classes and daydreaming about our daughter. God has been so amazing through this whole process, leading us all the way, the fact that we are even this far is a testimony of His providing and faithful hand...to Him be the glory. As I mentioned earlier I have recently had a deeper connection to miss Aamina...the best way I know how to describe it as a mother is kinda like during the second trimester of pregnancy. You know...during the first trimester you're sick, pretty tired, not yet showing, can't feel any little kicks from inside your tummy, your baby looks like a little spec or maybe a peanut in ultrasound pictures...you understand that you are "pregnant" but the fact that a baby will be joining your family and forever changing your life still seems pretty distant. Then during the second trimester you start to feel better, you may start showing, your getting little random nudges from time to time, you have an ultrasound and realize, that "yes, there is a little person in there and she is patiently waiting to meet you!" Reality sets in and your in full "mommy mode"(...I think this is when those "mom haircuts" occur.lol) That may seem weird, but it's the best way I can describe where I feel we are now in this adoption...I've chased at least the majority of the papers down and they are in my hands, we've paid almost half of the fees and although there are many more hurdles ahead, I feel like we're actually getting somewhere...like I've peeked out from under this pile of papers, laid the worry about money and fees aside and locked eyes with a sweet little African doll, OUR little African doll - somehow that "mommy mode" has set in. This is no longer a dream, reality is setting in and I know she is mine, that soon she will be coming home to live with us. I find myself imagining our meeting and tears fall faster than I can wipe them away. I long to hold her more than I can explain...but I trust the Lord is doing that for us. We don't know where she is now since we have requested a baby up to 24 months old and we still have an estimated year to wait she could be already living in an orphanage, abandoned somewhere, safe in her mother's womb or not yet conceived. This part brings me to worry quite often...the other day I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion as I was driving to work. I hadn't been thinking of anything in particular when all of the sudden the Lord brought her to mind and I wondered why. I thought "Is this day anything significant in her life? Could she be born today? Abandoned today? Found today?" The questions went on and on...and for now all I can do about those questions and fears for her is pray. There's no way I will ever know...but I'm praying to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit during this time of waiting. I don't ever want to be so busy to not give attention to a time He brings her to mind. Please join me in praying for her often...pray for her safety, for the ones taking care of her, for her adoption to move quickly and smoothly, for her health, for her biological family, for her country. Thank you again for caring enough to read this blog...I will do my best to update as often as possible.